Welcome to the Landlord Club, Keir Starmer and Rachel Reeves!

As the Prime Minister and Chancellor step into the world of landlording, they are joining a diverse and dynamic sector that plays a crucial role in the UK housing market.

With their new roles as landlords, they’ll need to navigate the complexities of property ownership, tenant relations and the ever-evolving legislative landscape.

Here’s a warm welcome (sort of) and a guide to what they should keep an eye on.

Understanding the Renters’ Rights Bill

One of the most significant changes on the horizon is the Renters’ Rights Bill.

It’s the product of envy and sixth form politics but I’m sure you’ll soon get used to it.

The bottom line, as you live rent-free in Downing Street, is that your rental property will not be your own.

You see, the clowns in Labour believe they are levelling the playing field between landlord and tenant.

In reality, they are skewing everything in favour of the tenant.

Key provisions include the abolition of Section 21 ‘no-fault’ evictions, so landlords won’t be able to evict a tenant without confirming the reason.

Labour (and the Tories before them, to be fair) have been listening to various tenant activist groups on this issue.

They foolishly believe that by banning section 21 evictions, you’ll end homelessness.

Oh, how we will laugh should you have to go down this route and the courts keep delaying your possession hearing.

Again and again. And again.

And the tenant will have access to free legal help while you, as a rich, uncaring landlord will have to foot your own legal fees.

But you will also find that section 21 isn’t the cause of homelessness – it’s simply a route for quicker repossession.

Once it’s gone, you’ll have to state why you want possession of your former family home – perhaps to move back in after your (hopefully) short tenure in Downing Street.

But it’s not that easy and you might find there’s a two-tier legal system in operation that puts landlords at a distinct disadvantage.

Tenancies are going periodic

Oh, and get this. You’ll laugh when this happens. All tenancies are going periodic so there is no end date to the tenancy.

I know! The Bill introduces periodic tenancies, replacing fixed-term assured shorthold tenancies.

Apparently, this gives tenants more security but not the landlord.

That’s because the tenant can end the tenancy – from day one, no less! – with two months’ notice.

You’ll have the hassle of sorting a new renter and tenancy agreement.

Plus, rent increases will be limited to once per year with at least two months’ notice.

However, I imagine the risk you run when increasing the rent might pierce the bubble you live in.

You might think it’s a straightforward process, but the Bill gives tenants a chance to object to a tribunal.

And I’m predicting that they will do just that – loads of ’em. That’s a rent cap in all but name.

It’s good that Sir Two-Tier has a legal background and I’m sure you’ll make mincemeat of the First-tier Tribunal when explaining why your rent rise isn’t excessive.

Don’t fancy doing that? Then I’m sure you’ll be joining all the other landlords who will keep rent rises low – or don’t bother putting rent up.

Can’t refuse families or those on benefits

I can’t imagine either that the fancy pads you both own will encounter this next scenario – though I do hope to God you do – you can’t refuse families or those on benefits.

Or if they want a pet.

I would love to see what happens should a tenant on benefits have the ability to rent your home.

That will bring you into contact with the benefits system. That’s going to bring a lot of pleasure.

But, you know, all tenants must be treated equally and being the most senior members of the Labour Party, you’ll be all for that.

You’ll also need to keep a grip on the paperwork and keep on top of the maintenance and keep perfect records.

You’ll also need to record all tenant communications ‘just in case’.

I know all of this sounds like overkill but there’s loads more in the Bill to make you think twice about being a landlord.

The Bill is in addition to the other 140+ laws we must deal with.

Let’s leave aside the deposit protection rules, the Right to Rent checks, gas and electrical safety certificates and installing and maintaining working smoke and carbon monoxide alarms.

Still think that landlords aren’t ‘working people’?

So, let’s focus on something that might just catch you both out.

And that’s the nonsense EPC target of C by 2030 being introduced by the talentless clown, Miliband.

Spend thousands on improving your property

I know you’ll put up with him and his wheezes because it’s a popular subject in your dinner party circles.

But imagine what happens when you need to spend thousands on improving your property to meet this notion.

When you get the costings, I’m guessing you might be warmer to wanting a cap on the costs!

There’s an election in 2029 – undoubtedly it will be sooner considering you’ve cheesed off every segment of your party base.

Though the deadline for EPC is after that, so do you gamble and spend the money, or do you sit tight and hope the autocrat and his minions get booted out of office?

That’s the dilemma facing landlords.

Imagine having two EPC inspectors turn up and they give two different assessments. How can that be?, I’m sure you will ask.

No one knows! It’s a genuine mystery.

Landlords face a number of issues that the Bill won’t solve but will make worse.

Don’t listen to Pennycook who has never had a job say that he isn’t worried about a landlord exodus because there’s no evidence of it.

So, let me ask you this question: Now that you are a landlord, knowing what is coming down the line (and you, not your agent, will be directly responsible for the tenant’s wellbeing), would you still be a landlord?

You are probably making a nice little earner from it, with someone else having the worry.

But it’s not really like that. You must keep investing in the property, be accountable for the laws and regulations and ensure your tenant is safe.

Neither of you appear to be bothered about details but I hope everything as a landlord works out.

But wait until you are dealing with arrears, a trashed property or anti-social behaviour because then you’ll have an issue.

And you won’t be able to keep it quiet – it’s you who is accountable.

The prospect of something going wrong is too delicious to appreciate and I hope, without sounding like a Generation Rent landlord-hating activist, that you struggle to gain possession when you want to move back in after you’ve been thrown out of office.

As I say, welcome to the club.

Until next time,

The Landlord Crusader

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