Help me if you can I’m feeling down

This is a tricky one. Please get professional advice.

You need to decide separately about your marriage (which you appear to want to save) and the tenancy.

There is nothing to stop your husband doing what he has done: I had the same problem with my spouse. You cannot stop the bank giving them credit cards (which you then have to pay off). I even had a window company provide a loan on my spouse's say-so who wrote my name on the application (not even an attempt at my signature). I contacted trading standards as they are not supposed to do this under consumer credit legislation and was told that I had no case as the salesman could argue that he had acted in good faith (ha ha).

REgarding the tenancy please get advice from a specialist.

If your husband has mental health issues and you want to stay married perhaps you can get power of attorney and have him declared unfit to manage his own affairs. Your GP might help you with this. But again you need much more serious advice than you will get here.

Reply to the comment left by "Puzzler " at "28/08/2013 - 07:53":

PS - your husband and his son plus other family members are living in the buy-to-let? That will contravene the lender's conditions. However you are still in your marital home? So have effectively separated? In that case you need to get your financial arrangements sorted asap. But you have two houses and each of you is in one which is probably what would be the outcome. The only thing on your side is that your marriage is relatively short. Get yourself a good family solicitor now! If this is true your tenancy issue is irrelevant as they are family not tenants and your husband has a right to put his son in there unless you own the property in your sole name (I am not sure about that but others here might know more).

Thnks everyone for your comments. Yes landlords can be prosecuted for allowing possession, distribution and manifacture of drugs esction 8 of the misuse of drugs act . There is an article on internet 'tenants and drugs Guidance for landlords'
Our rented house is a buy to let mortgage and the particular mortgage company is one that does not allow rent to families or our selves living in it.
They have told me that the house should be viewed as a business and not a home. In our case the rental paid for the mortgage on both our marital home and the buy to let, therefore it is a joint income. Some money has now been paid to cover our debts. I have been informed that the situation can be different to years ago where you just went back to removing your names from mortgages. The person taking over the property has to be able to afford the new mortgage, be it a buy to let or residentual therefore we cannot do this as our credit rating is low.

So I would lose income and considering my husband was in significant debt when we met it would not be fair to divide at this stage. Especially if we were to take out what we have put into our marriage.

I really was looking to see if anyone else had had problems with rent to HB tenants, drug abusers, and partners who were prone to irrational desisions. From a egal and landlord piont of view

What I have found out has been very helpful, but I have also talked to those who deal with drug abusers and it appears that they can be very difficut to evict but can lead you as alandlord into difficulty and even trouble.

Interesting I have spoken to someone recently who had an agency managed house with HB tenants. One day she decided to drive by as she could not get tenant to answer calls about rent arrears. To her horror the front door was off its hinges, and the tenant was in jail waiting for trial. It turned out it had been like that for several weeks but police had not informed her and agency did not know anything about it. So things could be worse for me I suppose.

I thank you all for your comments and will get back if I have any more to report.
Yes it might be the case that divorce would be a good thing, but I know that I am devoted to my husband despite his odd behaviour, and with time I hope he can see this.

Reply to the comment left by "J B" at "31/08/2013 - 22:48":

But your B2L house IS being occupied by family which is not allowed...

Your husband is very lucky to have you, I hope he comes to realise it 🙂

Thank you for your comment, It is a ticky one when you dealing with someone who has problems, and trouble is you have to really wait until they hit rock bottom. I have just found out that another term of out mortgage is to have buildings insurance so that is another expense that I will have to deal with. Thanks again

Reply to the comment left by "J B" at "27/08/2013 - 20:05":

i have read this thread through now 3 times & I have to say i find it confusing.

However, what I have interpreted is that the whole situation is being let to continue based on 'emotional sense' as opposed to 'good sense'

Do you love your husband? really love in the sense that you would do anything for hiim? If the answer is yes, then ask yourself this are you actually helping him or you just to scared to take action? And what are you scared of / Presumably the reaction of his son, girlfriend and no doubt your husband.

I think you also need to ask yourself this - Does your husband love you?

If he does why isn't he living with you? You have made excuses for his behaviour and don't get me wrong that is very easy to do when you love someone but the situation you find yourself in is making you miserable & I suspect not what you expected from your life together.

You only get to live once (that i personally know of) so perhaps you need to stop making excuses & take charge of the situation.

Do you want to lose your income & potentially your asset? Or does it not bother you?

In 1992, I worked for a letting agency that renting out a property to a couple where one of the tenants went slightly mad due to mental health issues. This involved firing a gun at the neighbours and moving all teh furniture outside and grass, mud and dirt inside. It was a complete nightmare to evict them and was a very stressful time both for us the agents and the landlord. Not to mention the affect it had on the partner of the tenant whom lived in denial for over 6 month in the belief he could 'fix' his partner. (Yes they were both men) Mental Health is awaful and your husband may need help but are you really in a position to solve his issues considering he doesn't think he needs help right now?

Is this really the life you want? Nevermind divorce right now I think you need to really sit and work out what you want for the rest of your life. You're clearly not a millionare and do not have the cash/funds available to continuosly bail hm out. Or do you/

He is not your responsibility, he is your husband! Is he actiing in a manner that is loving, respectful and in a way that is expected from a husband? Frankly, from what you have written I would say NO

Time is precious and SHORT stop wasting it as you cannot get it back. You are not this mans mother if he doesn't want to live with you then face upto reality and STOP making excuses.

Give him an ultimatum if you have to but be prepared to follow through. Yes its painful right now and will be painful to end your relationship but it won't be painful forever The worse part is making the decision. The easy part is following through once the decision has made.

Start looking after yourself. No one else will. Why are you putting yourself through such crap? Do you not deserve a loving husband?? We all make mistakes, personal, business and just general. So don't beat yourself up.

Separate the two issues - yes of course thats hard. But you really do need to open your eyes and take the rose coloured glasses off. you sound like an amazing person to have generously paid off this guys debts and put you in a position to purchase his house outright. No offense but if he got a mortgage on his own (albeit 70%) is he really that mentally challenged? And yes I have a friend who is bi-polar (he's lost a home, been made bankrupt twice but still runs his own business)

The very fact he has moved in with his son should be ringing alarm bells !!!! Start listening to them

As for the tenants its about time you took control of that. I would at the very least get a solicitors letter sent to them all individually and jointly informing them that they are living in the property without your permission and that they are contravenng the requirements of the buy to let.

Second, I would get a solicitors letter sent to your husband, demanding he provide your solicitor with a copy of the tenancy agreement, a detailed statement of the rent to received to date & reiterate that by living in the property it is againt the conditions of the buy to let mortgage and therefore actions needs to be taken, either he moves out or a new mortgage is secured.

By sending a solicitor letter it may just be a jolt that he needs. BUT whatever you do I would start using professional third party help as that will keep emotions out of it so as to distance yourself.

I understand that this is a horrid situation for you but unless you take control you will end up even more depressed.

You are clearly not stupid, but perhaps lacking a little confidence in yourself & maybe a little scared of how it will all play out. Well hold your head up high and get stuck into resolving it and you will start to feel better!

You've been given some good advice on here so perhaps it would be a good idea to re-read peoples comments as they have cared enough to post to try and help you

You will be ok just take control. Posting on here is a great start and I assume you've begun researching.

Finally, don't blame the DWP, if a signed tenancy agreement has been presented to them why wouldn't they take it at face value. Just imagine how many they see each day.

See a solicitor, get some proper advice. Take some action. Don't let your husbands mental health issues paralyse you. You don't have mential health issues (yet) so sadly you need to take control by yourself.

It appears there is a strong case of co-dependency here, something which is a very powerful pull in the belief that it is a way of remaining attached. There are solutions to the house/mortgage/tenancy issues which have all been suggested, but adopting them would break the co-dependency cycle because there is the risk the husband might just survive alone after all if he were forced to. I'm not sure that would be the desired outcome.

Reply to the comment left by "lauren field" at "04/09/2013 - 13:58":

Presumably the husband's mortgage was some time ago - sounds like he has got worse health wise.

JB whereabouts do you live? Not your address but area.

Reply to the comment left by "Puzzler " at "06/09/2013 - 09:22":

Marital home is Berkshire. Buy to let is in North London. I had been trying to rent out the house privately (with my husband) and through Help 2 Let through the Council. The mortgage company have differing opinions on what should be done. One person there said that the tenancy was illegal i.e. void, then another said it breaking terms of mortgage but they just send letters to advise us to change mortgage to residential. Another has suggested that we need to let them know we are doing something to rectify the problem i.e. new tenant and utility bills to show we have done this. I have checked on their terms and conditions and it does say no family in house. Furthermore it says another term of the mortgage is to have a buidings insurance, which has now run out and my husband has said we do not need one.

Reply to the comment left by "J B" at "06/09/2013 - 09:42":

If you don't purchase a new mortgage policy you lender will purchase one for you and it may be a lot more expensive. They will chase you for the cost and if you don't pay up it will be added to your mortgage balance and you will pay interest on it. The fact that you are already in breach of the mortgage conditions by allowing your family members to occupy the property as their principal private residence, combined with the default of conditions in respect of your insurance obligation may well lead your mortgage lenders to call in the mortgage and possibly even force a sale or repossess the property and sell it for you. If the sale proceeds are insufficient to repay the mortgage they will sue you for the balance of the debt. This is all getting very serious isn't it? You really do need to follow the excellent advice that's been given you you by the people who have taken the trouble to post their comments above. If you don't, then you only have yourself to blame for the consequences. At the moment you are in control of your own destiny, despite the very difficult circumstances surrounding your marriage. it is up to YOU, nobody else to take control because if you don't take control your mortgage lender will and the consequences and potential impact on your financial well being is potentially devastating.